Pillaged & Plundered

Arr-gust continues with our second pirate romance episode and this time we're sailing into very different waters.

Meghan reads Hunt on Dark Waters by Katee Robert, a fantasy romance featuring a witch, a vampire, a powerful sea captain and a band of monster-hunting pirates. Nicole tackles Pirate by Fabio, a 1993 historical romance featuring a privateer, a tropical island, kidnappings, questionable decisions and plenty of very 1990s romance.

We'll talk about what worked, what absolutely didn't, questionable historical romance tropes, pirate pets, Fabio's ghostwriter, the return of "manroot" and whether Pirate was actually as bad as Nicole expected.

And, of course, no pirate episode would be complete without appropriately themed beverages. Meghan goes ocean-y with a blood orange White Claw topped with blue curaçao, while Nicole mixes up an Oceanside with Gray Whale gin, lime, simple syrup, sea salt, mint and soda water.

Plus, we'll preview the books coming up for our next theme: Back to School.

Grab your drink, climb aboard and join us for Pillaged & Plundered.

Books & Beverages:
Meghan: Hunt on Dark Waters by Katee Robert with a Blood Orange White Claw with Blue Curaçao

Nicole: Pirate by Fabio with an Oceanside

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Transcript

Nicole Stephens (00:00)
Hello, I'm Nicole Danielle.

Meg (00:03)
And I'm Meghan Leigh, and this is Romance on the Rocks, where two bookish bitties imbibe and talk about the romance novels that they have been reading. And this time around it is for Arr-gust. It's our

Nicole Stephens (00:16)
Mm.

Meg (00:17)
second, our second pirate novel for the theme right now. boy, it's been a wild ride so far. But you know.

Nicole Stephens (00:26)
It has

And what are you drinking this evening, Meghan?

Meg (00:30)
I decided that I was going to go with very simple, it's white claw, and I specifically chose the blood orange because first of all, it's piratey stuff. We've got the wave up here, and one of my characters is a vampire, so I thought blood orange and the white claw, but then to really plus it up, I poured it in a glass and added added a little blue Curacao. So I made it all ocean-y.

Nicole Stephens (00:57)
It it's very blue.

Meg (00:59)
Yeah, well it wouldn't be blue without the blue caracao, but I was like, if I'm gonna make this as, you know, ocean y as possible. I did try to look to see if there was anything called witchy waters or something like that, but not really. There there is a cocktail called the Sea Witch, which is named after Ursula, but I didn't have any of those things in the house, so we just we went simple. And

Nicole Stephens (01:22)
Okay.

Meg (01:22)
you, what are you drinking?

Nicole Stephens (01:25)
I am drinking something called the ocean side.

Meg (01:29)
Ooh.

Nicole Stephens (01:30)
Which uses Gray whale gin, which you and I discovered last year, and

Meg (01:35)
Mm-hmm.

Nicole Stephens (01:36)
I'm in love with it. I love it, and I felt like it was appropriate. And then it has lime juice and a little bit of just a little bit of simple syrup and then sea salt, 'cause we like things salty. And then mint

Meg (01:48)
Mm-hmm. yeah.

Nicole Stephens (01:50)
leaves and a little bit of soda water. So yeah.

Meg (01:54)
That sounds perfect. I like that.

Nicole Stephens (01:57)
is quite refreshing as I

sweat my balls off in this closet.

Meg (02:02)
Which my apologies.

Okay, you guys. So tonight technology has not at all been my friend. My computer is running on hamster power, and I still I still can't open open Google Chrome. It is just not happening right now. So I

had to move myself over to Microsoft Edge, but we had to shut down and start back up, and that's like a twenty-five minute process. Anyway, it's a thing. So Nicole has been sequestered in the hot closet.

For a long time waiting for me to be able to get on here. So yeah, my apologies, my lady. boy. Yeah.

Nicole Stephens (02:37)
It's all good. I'm just considering

it a weight loss plan.

Meg (02:43)
Not not the best plan. Drinking alone in a closet is not anybody's idea of a good weight loss plan.

Nicole Stephens (02:53)
Well

Meg (02:51)
Feel like that's that's an entirely different problem.

Nicole Stephens (02:55)
Well you are up first this time, my lady, so what have you read for Arr-gust Please tell me it's better than your last pirate romp.

Meg (03:03)
so much better. which was

not difficult to do, let's be fair. no, girl, we had a Katee Robert. And you know, for me, I I love me a good Katee Robert. there's

been I think one I've read that I had a hard time with and I'm not gonna go back to that series. But aside from aside from that, loving it.

Hunt on Dark Waters by Katee Robert. didn't do a whole hell of a lot of show notes tonight, to the tune of none. I did none show notes tonight. Not only was I having technology problems, I was having pet problems.

We're just gonna go with what I'm feeling in my heart. And we will start with just

Nicole Stephens (03:42)
Okay.

Meg (03:43)
explaining. We're gonna explain the book. the basic premise is that we have Evelyn. She is a witch of

And in her world, she has been dating a vampire named Lizzie. she and Lizzie seem like they're a decent enough match, but Lizzie is a very powerful vampire. She's got a lot of family obligations. Evelyn is, you know, powerful in her own right as a witch, but probably not to the level that Lizzie is. And after a night out drinking, Lizzie

Goes to take Evelyn home, tuck her in bed, and Evelyn gets awoken very quickly and rushedly because Lizzie's family is coming home and Lizzie's mother is apparently just terrifying. And Lizzie basically throws her out of the house and is like, You gotta leave now, or my mom is going to kill you because she is not gonna like that we're together. And then Lizzie just turns around and walks away. So Evelyn's like, What the hell, man? Like that's

So uncool to that that's like how we're just leaving it. Basically, Lizzie's like, yeah, I go. Don't care anymore. So Evelyn takes off out of the house. She has to get out of there before Lizzie's mom gets there. And because she's so upset and she's so angry at Lizzie, on her way out, she pockets some things that she probably shouldn't take. she has been known to have some sticky fingers in the past. It kind of gives her a little rush to see what she can get away with.

So she steals some family jewels from Lizzie on her way out. She's wandering through kind of like a dark area, gets herself through some weird door, and ends up falling into almost like a portal to another part of a world. Plops herself down in the middle of the ocean in a place she has no idea where she is. And before she drowns, she gets scooped up by this passing ship. On this passing ship is

Bowen. Bowen is our sea captain. he's also a telekinetic, so he can like lift things with his mind and move stuff around, and he's also very powerful in his own right. So we've got some very powerful beings in this book. Bowen is part of the Cwn Annwn which is a wandering band of pirates, but they have a larger purpose. So it's not like every

pirate ship for themselves, they are all part of this bigger thing, the Cwn Annwn which is out to rid the world of monsters. And they also answer to a higher council. But when they pick up stragglers that have fallen into the world, they basically are giving these strangers two choices. Join us, be part of our band of merry murderers, or we'll just kill you right now. that's your

choice.

Yeah.

Nicole Stephens (06:32)
Option A or option B

Meg (06:36)
Yeah. So of course Evelyn's like, Yeah, sure, I'll join your merry band the whole time, not meaning any of it. And but when it's like, you realize this is a blood oath. You you are going to be bound to it. And if you decide to run, we will hunt you down and kill you. This is how serious this is. and she's like, mm-hmm, yeah. So she joins them.

And immediately starts to question everything, like why they're doing things the way they do. Who defines what a monster is?

right?

Why are we going in and killing these supposed monsters? Who is asking us to do this? Did someone invite us

Nicole Stephens (07:15)
Yeah.

Meg (07:16)
to come do this? and it becomes very clear that the Cwn Annwn is almost cult-like. And

Nicole Stephens (07:22)
Yeah.

Meg (07:24)
yeah, there there's a lot of

religious overtones, political overtones, things going on. And you can really see how Katee Robert pulled from some things that are maybe happening in our world right now.

Evelyn is questioning things and these scenarios are coming up of what is a monster, who's asking us to do this, why are we not questioning? Why are we following blindly? where are these leaders coming from? You can see Bowen start to maybe

deconstruct.

everything he's learned and believed in. And so that's very interesting to kind of see that happen. I don't want to give too much away. The important thing to know is that the ex-girlfriend Lizzie follows through the thresholds in order to try and bring back her family jewels. And so now Evelyn and Bowen are being hunted by this powerful vampire.

While they are also out hunting monsters and starting to question everything that's going on in this world, I really enjoyed this story. I thought it was really fun. I thought it was really interesting. I always enjoy Katee Roberts' writing. This was such a relief to read a pirate story in this vein, which was so

Nicole Stephens (08:44)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Meg (08:46)
unlike last week. There was so much.

consent and, care and actual love and not just lust. There was plenty of lust, but you know, you're still you're still going at it from people who are a little bit more emotionally complex in a way that made sense. So thank you, Katee Robert, for that. And funny enough, I was at my grandmother's house this past weekend. I was just finishing this book.

And I ran over to the Minoqua Public Library because I like to go to their sales shelf and see what they've got, and look what

Nicole Stephens (09:18)
Yeah.

Meg (09:18)
I found. Which is Blood on the Tide by Katee Robert, the book that follows this one that I just read.

Nicole Stephens (09:28)
perfect.

Meg (09:30)
Perfect, I already finished it. So

Nicole Stephens (09:32)
Is it a sequel?

Meg (09:35)
There is a three-part series, and the other one already exists because this one I didn't look to see the publishing date on Hunt on Dark Dark Water, but Blood on the Tide was 2024. So I now have to go find Rebel in the Deep, which was written in 2025. So I'm already

Nicole Stephens (09:54)
Yeah.

Meg (09:54)
two parts into this three-part series, if that tells you anything about how much I enjoyed this in comparison.

So I will give

Nicole Stephens (10:02)
Yeah.

Meg (10:03)
it, yeah, I'll give it a jalapeno yeah,

Nicole Stephens (10:06)
Jalapeno okay.

Meg (10:08)
that's about where that stands with me. And

Nicole Stephens (10:11)
Slow burn, Meghan? Was it a slow burn?

Meg (10:14)
no I wouldn't say so. There was there was yeah, early enough stuffs going on. another fun thing about this book was I picked this up as secondhand at half price books.

And whoever

Nicole Stephens (10:30)
Yeah.

Meg (10:31)
had it before me made two notes in this book before I even got it. So,

Nicole Stephens (10:35)
Okay. Do share.

Meg (10:38)
yeah.

Of this sentence, the sentence is he might be handsome too, in an earthy kind of way. This person writes, What does that even mean? And I'm like, I'm like, did they not understand the earthy kind of way? Was he like, I don't know, very musky? Was he like full of dirt? I'm not real sure, but

Nicole Stephens (11:00)
Right.

Meg (11:01)
I liked that. and then the other one.

Her skin is pale enough that I want to get undercover before the sun has its way with her.

And this

Nicole Stephens (11:09)
huh.

Meg (11:09)
person writes, but hold on, this person writes, This is how I'll be referring to sunburn from here on out. So I enjoyed that too. And I'm like, yeah, we should all start doing that. I must get inside before the sun has its way with me. Hmm.

Nicole Stephens (11:24)
Yes, I like it.

Meg (11:26)
I do have a quote that I really enjoyed and felt like I needed to kind of internalize because I do feel like I I fall into this trap sometimes. And the quote is putting in extra effort for no damn reason doesn't make you a saint.

Nicole Stephens (11:44)
Hmm.

Meg (11:46)
And I do feel like quite often I will find myself busting my ass or trying super hard in in some sort of Midwest work ethic sort of way when it doesn't necessarily matter. that amount of effort I'm putting in is not the be all end all.

I liked that and I I highlighted that to remind myself that putting in all that extra effort doesn't necessarily matter or or

Nicole Stephens (12:17)
Yeah.

Meg (12:18)
make me a better person of of some sort. So that's what I got.

Nicole

You have Fabio.

Nicole Stephens (12:25)
I have Fabio.

Pirate by Fabio and I just now realized he has a large hoop earring and I did not notice that the whole time I've been staring at this book. But whatever.

Meg (12:42)
I did wear hoops tonight. I told you I changed my earrings. I changed them to hoops.

Nicole Stephens (12:47)
Alright, let me grab my show notes here. notes. Right.

Meg (12:51)
Show notes Nothing more than show notes.

Nicole Stephens (12:59)
So Pirate by Fabio. And he has a last name. I did not know this. I don't know why it surprised me that he has a last name, but it did. Lanzoni Yeah.

Meg (13:13)
No, that's

that's not right.

Nicole Stephens (13:16)
Lonzoni. Fabio Lonzoni.

Meg (13:18)
There you go, that's that's a little bit better.

Nicole Stephens (13:24)
It was funny to me. I'm like Lanzoni. Yeah. Lanzoni.

Meg (13:27)
I mean, yeah.

Nicole Stephens (13:30)
he also had a ghost writer. Eugenia Riley.

Meg (13:36)
Hmm.

Nicole Stephens (13:38)
I I thought it was a cool name.

Published in nineteen ninety-three, which I would have been fifteen years old and either a freshman or a sophomore in high school. this is in the subgenre

Meg (13:48)
Mm.

Nicole Stephens (13:51)
of historical romance audiobooks. I checked to see if this was an audiobook just for shits and giggles. No, sadly, Meghan.

This story is only available in paperback, though I think, Meghan, Fabio is missing out on a rich opportunity to monetize on some audiobooks of his romance novels, of which there are eight.

Meg (14:14)
May I ask what?

When you say there are no audiobooks, you are saying there are no digital audiobooks or there are just no C Ds or tapes available.

Nicole Stephens (14:24)
As far as I know, nothing.

Meg (14:27)
Okay. All right.

Nicole Stephens (14:29)
at least

on on the Amazons and the Libro FM,

he has eight books. Pirate, Rogue, Viking, which I also have a copy of that one. Comanche Champion. I

know, right? I'm like cringing as I say it. Champion, Dangerous, and Wild and Mysterious. And and Wild and Mysterious is one book, not two separate books.

Meg (14:57)
I was just gonna say he can't break

out like that. He had a good thing going. Should have been nine books.

Nicole Stephens (15:05)
So spanning 1993 to 1998. I don't know why Fabio stopped. What what brought that to a halt? Because I mean that's some pretty prolific books that I don't know.

Meg (15:17)
Writer's cramp.

Nicole Stephens (15:20)
Something. Anyway, I think if Fabio went back and with the exception of the one title I named for obvious reasons, I think if he went

Meg (15:27)
Mm, mm.

Nicole Stephens (15:28)
back and did some audiobook narration, I think he could re monetize on these books and spring a little life back into them.

Meg (15:35)
Are

they worth doing that?

Nicole Stephens (15:39)
I don't know, but I think it'd be hilarious. For my own personal entertainment.

Meg (15:45)
Yeah, you're not wrong.

Nicole Stephens (15:46)
Okay. Main characters. We have Marco Glaviano, a privateer and displaced Venetian. Which Carlos de la Guerra my last pirate book, Poppy and the Pirate, was also a privateer. And Meghan, I gotta tell you, with two privateer books in a row, I'm a little bummed that I didn't get any legit pirates in either one of my books.

Meg (16:08)
Mm, sorry.

Nicole Stephens (16:10)
I know, I'm bummed, but you know, I guess I guess we'll just work with the privateers here. His family is deceased and now he spends his time privateering in service of the British crown on his ship La Spada when he isn't banging one of his mistresses on his private island where he and his crew and their families and lovers live.

Then we have Christina Abbott. At the start of our novel, Christina is a twelve year old heiress whose parents have died in a shipwreck and has been sent to Edisto Island, an island known to be regularly raided by pirates. Her guardian and the executor

Meg (16:49)
Mm.

Nicole Stephens (16:50)
of her parents' estate have sent her to this island. That is a known

Pirate raiding haven.

We'll get to that later.

Meg (16:59)
Mm,

mhm, mhm, mhm.

Nicole Stephens (17:02)
The plot line. I feel like I have to go Sophia from Golden Girls on this one. Picture it

Meg (17:08)
All right.

Nicole Stephens (17:09)
seventeen forty two off the South Carolina coast on Edisto Island. that's as far as I got with my Sophia impression, not very good. But Meghan, I believe your pirate novel last week took place also in this vicinity off the South Carolina coast.

Meg (17:28)
It started

in the Carolinas,

yeah.

Nicole Stephens (17:31)
yeah, so here we go. We're starting in the Carolinas again. And at this time some Spanish pirates are pirating. The the usual plundering, pillaging, and raping. Little Christina Abbott and her nursemaid come stumbling out of their cottage in the middle of the night in the midst of all this and Marco is immediately enraptured by her youth and beauty and innocence.

He sees the two females are in imminent danger of being raped and pillaged and rescues Christina, allowing her nursemaid to come with them. Marco instantly becomes Christina's knight in shining armor and she starts crushing on him hard from the start. He takes

Christina to his private island to raise her as his ward, and he has no plans beyond that. He's just gonna let her grow up sort of wild and carefree on the island with the

Other pirate kids. The only one who knows Christina is an heiress is the nurse. Not even Christina herself knows. And the maid is not telling anyone. One of Marco's crew offers to marry the girl when she gets a little bit older in a couple years at the ripe old age of 14.

Meg (18:41)
k why why how does she not know she's an heiress? How she just doesn't realize she had okay. Mm-hmm.

Nicole Stephens (18:45)
just doesn't. Meh meh.

but anyway, one of the crew offers to marry her in a couple of years when she comes of age at 14 slash fifteen, which technically, yes, is considered a marriageable age in some circles at that time in history.

I will give this to Marco's credit. He insists she's far too young and deserves to enjoy her childhood, and that no one at all will be allowed to marry her until she's a full grown adult of at least eighteen or nineteen, maybe twenty. while Christina is still a child, she somehow gets Marco to agree to marry her when she turns eighteen. He thinks it's a joke and yeah.

Meg (19:32)
Ugh Yuck

Nicole Stephens (19:32)
She's basic she's

like, Marka, will you promise to marry me someday? And he's like, Ha ha, sure, little lady. and he's like, She'll forget about this. She's just a kid. What what does she know? And so he agrees to it. Idiot.

Well, Christina ends up growing up into a spoiled bitchy brat by the time she's eighteen. Marco and her are ten years apart, so now he's twenty-eight. By that time, she's ready to make Marco hers and will stop at nothing to do so. She plays nasty pranks on Marco's mistresses and puts herself in harm's way.

And manipulates a shit ton of other people in an effort to try to seduce Marco and force him into marriage.

Marco has zero interest in marriage and isn't willing to reduce Christina to the status of a mistress or whore because he knows she came from some kind of reputable family. So he brings in an old family friend from Venice, Italy, who has a son who's just a couple of years older than Christina, much more closer age proximity, and who happens to be looking for a wife and then Marco knows he needs to get her off the island at that point because she's turning into a little hussy.

He's always thought of her as a little sister allegedly, but now he's becoming physically attracted to her and he just doesn't want to go there. He loves being at sea on a ship and doesn't feel he's ready for marriage, which he knows is what Christina ultimately wants. I'm just gonna go ahead and spoil this book and summarize it to some key plot points because it's a nineties book and and who the fuck cares at this point.

Meg (21:08)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm not reading it.

Nicole Stephens (21:14)
Yeah.

Christina does some really dumb shit in her efforts to make Marco hers. She thinks she's been in love with him since the day that they met, at her ripe old age of twelve. But honestly, Meghan, she is so childish and immature and headstrong. I question if she still even at the ripe old age of eighteen understands what the fuck love is. 'Cause I don't think she does.

Meg (21:35)
Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Nicole Stephens (21:37)
She

heavily flirts and physically entangles herself with one of Marco's crew members, and then this boy that Marco wants her to marry, to the point of almost getting raped a couple of times. And I'm gonna say not that I think any woman is at fault for shitty male behavior, and a woman has a right to say no at any time, even if she starts something. But also, anyone regardless of gender should be wary of putting themselves in situations where they're

Physically manipulating people and not expecting that there might be some sort of repercussion to that, whether it's a physical reaction or an emotional response like anger, because the person is pissed they were manipulated. Manipulation is manipulation.

Meg (22:22)
sounds a lot like Caitlin from Dark of the Moon, Karen Robards. spoiled, bratty, teenage, raised by an older

Caretaker, unrelated to her, she thinks she's in love with him and refuses to do anything else and manipulates the people around her to try to make it look like they have interest in her and she them to try and get him jealous.

the the overall premises of the books are different, but this very much feels like.

Dark of the moon. So yeah. Uhhuh. Mm-hmm.

Nicole Stephens (23:01)
We're gonna make some other

connections to some other books here pretty quick too.

Meg (23:05)
Yep, okay.

Nicole Stephens (23:07)
Christina's little ploys work and Marco takes her virginity, but he still plans to marry her off and won't marry her himself. So of course Christina's pissed about that. Meanwhile, there's a bunch of intrigue and side plots with Christina getting kidnapped a couple of times, because hey, why not? First by Marco's Nemesis, a Spanish pirate, the very same pirate who stormed that island years ago.

And then her own uncle slash guardian who's discovered she's still alive but wants her dead because it's been seven years since her disappearance and he was about to be able to claim her inheritance, and he ain't gonna let her get in the way of that now.

Meg (23:46)
Mm.

Nicole Stephens (23:46)
Marco of course rescues Christina both times, although it did take Marco a few weeks with the first kidnapping to rescue her because he was severely wounded and unconscious, and she will not forgive him for that.

Meg (23:59)
Okay, okay, in comparison to some of our borderlord's bride kind of kidnapping where he just goes, meh, couldn't find her at least he had a reason. Like almost almost fatally wounded and in bed and can't get up. That's a reason.

Nicole Stephens (24:15)
In a fever. Yeah.

Meg (24:16)
Yeah.

Nicole Stephens (24:18)
By the end of it all, Christina is knocked up with Marco's Bambino, and he finally decides to marry her and have her stay on the island with him. And they don't even really need her inheritance, because Marco's rich as fuck anyway, because of his privateering. spice level, habanero, I guess. There were frequent sexual interactions between a variety of characters, but honestly, it wasn't very sexy, and I think that's

Because of the wording and situations, but what evs Habanero. Things I loved.

Meg (24:47)
mm-hmm.

Nicole Stephens (24:50)
This is a very there is a very nice dedication at the beginning of book. In loving memory of my grandmother Ines and supporting the American Cancer Society in its efforts to help all mothers and grandmothers win the war against cancer.

Meg (25:04)
very sweet. Yes.

Nicole Stephens (25:06)
I

thought that was sweet. I was like, thank you, Fabio. That's very nice. I also loved the pets. Marco and Christina have some unique pets, including a rare black king cheetah they got off some other ship named Pansy and a parrot named Cicero who calls Christina bad girl.

Meg (25:23)
I love that. That's fun.

Nicole Stephens (25:24)
I know.

I know. I was like, okay, that that that's fun. Marco uses condoms, yay, for condom use. Except obviously not with Christina. Cause she got knocked up.

Meg (25:34)
No, but that's that's

kind of unusual for books back in that day.

Nicole Stephens (25:39)
A man

ahead of his time. right

Meg (25:43)
He probably lubed it up with butter or butter spray, just saying.

Nicole Stephens (25:47)
some margarine.

Meg (25:49)
I I feel like Fabio

f Fabio was like, let me put on this condom and I can't believe it's not butter spray.

Nicole Stephens (25:59)
Yeah.

Meg (25:59)
He just probably went right for it. I mean just saying.

Nicole Stephens (26:04)
some fun phrases and anatomy references. Cockles of my heart. That one made me giggle, I don't know why

Meg (26:11)
Yes I okay.

Our friend Adam, mutual friend, he and I always used to talk about our cockles constantly. And we'd be like, tingles my cockles.

Nicole Stephens (26:28)
Thought it was funny, it made me giggle.

Meg (26:31)
I love it. Like, yes.

Nicole Stephens (26:33)
Snug Sheath, which we've heard Sheath before, but here it is again, Snug Sheath.

Meg (26:37)
Mm-hmm.

Nicole Stephens (26:38)
And Meghan, one of your all-time faves that we have only seen, as far as we know, in one other book, and that would be Lara by Bertrice Small. Manroot!

Meg (26:50)
Man root. Man root

Nicole Stephens (26:52)
Manroot is back.

Meg (26:54)
you know where that was missing was my swamp thing book. Marsh shoulda had a man root. He shoulda.

Nicole Stephens (26:57)
Yes Marsh one hundred

shoulda had a man root.

Meg (27:02)
He he was a a tree creature. Manroot. Yeah.

Nicole Stephens (27:05)
Yes. Yeah.

Meg (27:08)
Bertrice Small, for all the things she has taken away from me and and hurt internally, she gave us Manroot

Nicole Stephens (27:15)
Both of us. She's ruined both of our lives.

Meg (27:18)
But she gave me Manroot and Mine. I don't know that you had it in your book, right? So like I feel like

Nicole Stephens (27:22)
No, no, I did not.

Meg (27:23)
she still owes you.

Nicole Stephens (27:26)
Bertrice owes me so much.

Meg (27:29)
Like she tried to make it okay for me. She owes you still.

Nicole Stephens (27:35)
challenges with Pirate by Fabio. Christina. Christina fucking sucks. She's a spoiled and bitchy brat, and it's totally Marco's fault for spoiling her rotten and she just kind of sucked to begin with. It's definitely

Meg (27:49)
Mm-hmm.

Nicole Stephens (27:49)
a case of enabling, but I just think inherently she's a shitty person. I hated her. She annoyed the fuck out of me. She's an immature twat.

Meg (27:56)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That that is

Caitlin. Caitlin from Dark of the Moon,

Nicole Stephens (28:00)
Yeah. Yeah.

Meg (28:02)
Karen Robards. Like that bitch could not do anything that was good for herself or other people. Just a pain in the ass. Yep.

Nicole Stephens (28:08)
Right right

my other challenge is weird it's not grooming, but it's kind of grooming 'cause there was literal grooming. I'll explain. Christina has this mass of tangling blonde hair that does the same thing mine does, where it basically curls and weaves itself into its own little dreadlocks and tangles.

But instead of having her nurse maid brush her hair, Marco brushes her hair. from the age of twelve on, she sits in his lap and he brushes her hair at night and reads her stories, which yeah, for a little kid is okay, but it just kinda gives me icky vibes and I'm sure it's innocent and all, but because Christina is enamored with him the entire time, there's just something that doesn't feel right to me about it. I don't know. Maybe it's my own warped world,

but

Meg (28:57)
no, I think there's something very endearing and sweet of caring for another person's hair in general. the

Nicole Stephens (29:04)
agree, I agree.

Meg (29:06)
combing, the braiding, the, updos, whatever. And it is always very sweet when a father will learn how to do that for his daughter. I think that's lovely.

Nicole Stephens (29:13)
Yes, yes.

Meg (29:14)
It's it's the sitting on the lap the whole time when they are

Nicole Stephens (29:18)
Yeah. Yeah.

That yeah.

Meg (29:20)
not related

and he just picked her up as his ward, like that to

me feels a little bit too much.

Nicole Stephens (29:28)
And they do it all through her teen years into age eighteen and I'm like, mm, I don't know. I don't know. I'm sure I'm making it into something icky

Meg (29:34)
No. No.

Nicole Stephens (29:37)
when it's not.

Meg (29:38)
Only because you know the the other things going on, but I I do just still think that again, there's something very sweet about him wanting to brush her

Nicole Stephens (29:47)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Meg (29:48)
hair and help her out. That's lovely, no issues there. The other stuff feels like it crossed a line given the relationship.

Nicole Stephens (29:54)
Yeah.

Yeah. also during Christina's first kidnapping, there were some icky things that happened with the Spanish pirate and his crew. They stripped Christina down and threw water at her to humble her, and then tied her naked to the pirate captain's bed, and he would sit down near her and jerk off, and it was giving me gross vibes like your last pirate book, Sea of Ruin, by Pam Godwin.

Meg (30:17)
Yes I was just gonna say

Nicole Stephens (30:22)
giving me Bertrice Small Border Lord's bride vibes too. She was never officially raped, but

Meg (30:27)
Yeah

Nicole Stephens (30:28)
it was still icky and nasty and I didn't care for it.

Meg (30:32)
No, that's real gross.

Nicole Stephens (30:35)
Mm-hmm. I was like, this is Megan's book

and and Bertrice all over again.

Meg (30:41)
that is like a small portion of what Sea of Ruin was, So, you know, way to add another layer of

Mm-hmm.

Nicole Stephens (30:48)
I

also didn't care for the scene when Christina finally seduces Marco. She has the boy he wants her to marry come meet her in Marco's bedroom, knowing Marco will catch them, and starts to seduce the boy. Just as she's starting to realize she might end up oops having to actually have sex with this guy, which is not what she actually wanted,

Marco does finally bust in and break the situation up, but then Marco is like, you just like to bang people now. Fine, I'm gonna bang you too. And then he shoves his man root in her and then realizes, nope, she's actually still a virgin. I feel like this is a trope we've seen before in books we've both read. For me it was Until You by Judith McNaught, and for you, I believe it was The Flame and the Flower by Kathleen Woodiwiss Tell me if I'm wrong on that one.

Meg (31:35)
yeah, Flame and the Flower had a lot, a lot, a lot of problems. That was one of I'll also say Dark of the Moon wasn't too far off of that. Karen Robards and Karen Robards was a throwback to last year. Kathleen Woodiwiss was this year, Mothers of Romance. But yes, both of them. Mm-hmm.

Nicole Stephens (31:52)
Now I will say Marco turns it around and pulls back from her, and then he's like, whoa, wait, this is not the situation I thought it was. But I was still like, yeah, but you still threw it in the hole to punish her.

Meg (32:05)
Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole Stephens (32:08)
okay, but he pulls back, he's like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, this is not okay. They do in the same evening end up having

a lovemaking sensual thing, but it is fully consensual and I d I don't know how to feel about the whole thing because Christina didn't seem to give a shit how Marco fucked her. she just wanted his peen in her. Like she was happy when he just shoved it in her even though it hurt and I was like, this is so fucked up. so I'm still feeling very challenged by that whole that whole fucking scene because it was so reminiscent to me

of other things we've read and then I was like, Ooh, Marco's kind of redeeming it, but then it's still icky. Like, I don't know.

Meg (32:52)
Yeah, yeah.

Nicole Stephens (32:55)
My final thoughts, Meghan, for this one. You know, despite the icky stuff, this book did not suck as hard as I thought it would.

Meg (33:03)
We were both pretty worried. Pretty worried about ya.

Nicole Stephens (33:09)
The writing wasn't terrible. I'm assuming that's thanks to Fabio's ghostwriter, Eugenia. There were some unexpected plot twists and turns, some fun pets, a tropical island setting, some fun hammock shenanigans.

honestly, this book could have been a lot worse, and it's not the worst book I've ever read. So I'm giving it two stars on Goodreads, which equals it was okay. for scents I got one scent, and I did 100% write it down. You and I sometimes miss the scents entirely. I wrote this one down.

Meg (33:41)
Yes, yes.

Nicole Stephens (33:44)
Woman scent. Whatever the fuck that means.

Meg (33:49)
That's it, just woman scent?

Nicole Stephens (33:50)
That's IT! Woman scent!

Meg (33:53)
come on, Fabio. Come on, Eugenia.

Nicole Stephens (33:57)
I know. I was like, Eugenia, where were you on that one, girl?

Meg (34:00)
You know, it is shocking to me that the worst book of Arr-gust was the one written in like 2020. that is crazy to me. That Sea of Ruin

Nicole Stephens (34:09)
Right right, right.

Meg (34:12)
was so awful that it was worse than Fabio. I I don't know how that is even a possibility. But it's true.

I don't know. Good lord.

Nicole Stephens (34:28)
So what do you have for booby prize, Meghan?

Meg (34:31)
But okay, so the one I marked and I felt like I marked more than one, but this was the one I was able to find when I went through. I don't know. I feel like we've discussed this before, but I cannot remember. How do we feel about just the word chest?

for me it was the context here that made me have it stick out.

Nicole Stephens (34:50)
I

think it depends on context, yeah.

Meg (34:53)
Yeah, okay. So here's what I got.

Nicole Stephens (34:55)
Yeah, read it.

Meg (34:56)
Her chest is heaving in a very distracting way, pressing against the sheer fabric of her top. It's more challenging than it should be to keep my gaze on her face.

Okay, then I'm gonna go with it. That's page thirty seven.

Nicole Stephens (35:13)
Ooh. Okay, I also questioned mine.

Meg (35:17)
okay.

Nicole Stephens (35:20)
But I'm gonna say based on context it counts.

Meg (35:23)
Okay.

Nicole Stephens (35:24)
And page thirty-two.

Meg (35:27)
Ooh.

Nicole Stephens (35:29)
While Christina watched, wide eyed and fascinated, Luigi grabbed Maria around the waist, hauled her brazenly astride him on his chair, and buried his face in her bosom.

Meg (35:43)
yeah, bosom definitely counts.

so weird I highlighted quite a bit in this book, but not because I was like upset about it. It was just like stuff that was kind of fun and nice.

I thought this was sweet. when he comes, it's groaning my name against my throat. He makes it sound like a benediction, like a prayer. Yeah.

Nicole Stephens (36:03)
Ooh

I like that one.

Meg (36:09)
I know frickin' loves it. I frickin' loves it.

Nicole Stephens (36:14)
Well what do you have coming up on the next episode of the podcast, Meghan?

Meg (36:19)
So we are going into back to school, I believe is the

Nicole Stephens (36:23)
Yes.

Meg (36:24)
upcoming theme.

this is Take the Lead by Johnny Diaz. And so for back to school, we're going for teachers or classrooms, something like that. It's gotta be related to back to school.

Nicole Stephens (36:38)
Education related.

Meg (36:40)
Education there you go. So take the lead, Johnny Diaz.

Popular college professor Gabriel Gallen has a job he adores in Boston, a hot young lover, and a buddy who goes along on pub crawls and Star Trek nights alike. But Gabriel wants more. When Gabriel's stubbornly independent father needs help managing his Parkinson's disease, Gabriel takes on more than he bargained for.

Smooth cruising life is about to take a sharp turn as he teeters on the edge of a new crush on Adam, his father's physical therapy dance class instructor.

So I've got a college professor going through some midlife crisis, I believe.

Nicole Stephens (37:29)
Okay, okay. I don't understand why he wants more than Popcrawls and

Star Trek nights.

Meg (37:36)
I don't know. Maybe we'll find out. I mean, when you've got a physical therapy dance class instructor, it sounds like maybe that could add to, you know, the intrigue and why he wants to change things up. So

Nicole Stephens (37:49)
Sure. Sure.

Meg (37:50)
yeah, that's what I have. What do you have going on?

Nicole Stephens (37:53)
I have Heartless Game by Jo Brenner, which I picked up last year when we were in Milwaukee for from Milwaukee with love. The hottest hockey player at Reina U has dark plans for me. Everyone on campus loves Isaac Jones, the gorgeous dimple.

You know how I know I'm getting old.

Thought it said dimple checked. Dimple cheeked. I'm like, dimple checked, that doesn't make any sense.

Meg (38:30)
Well.

Nicole Stephens (38:34)
Again.

Campus loves Isaac Jones, the gorgeous, dimple cheeked charmer. Say it now. I got the giggles. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Meg (38:44)
You've got this, I believe in you. I believe I believe in you.

Nicole Stephens (38:52)
Everyone on campus loves Isaac Jones. The gor

Meg (39:00)
You've got this. Got this.

Nicole Stephens (39:03)
So

fucking hot here. Okay.

Meg (39:06)
I mean you're fucking hot in there. Yeah.

Nicole Stephens (39:08)
Everyone on camp.

Okay, I can't get through this if you keep doing shit like this.

Meg (39:15)
You

can You You can do it.

Nicole Stephens (39:23)
That's like so Fabio but almost Arnold.

You can do it with margarine I can't believe it's not Butter

Meg (39:30)
I can't believe you can't read the back of this book.

Nicole Stephens (39:33)
Fuck, cause you keep interrupting me.

Cut.

Everyone on campus loves Isaac Jones, the gorgeous, dimple cheeked charmer can do no wrong in the public's eyes, but they don't know what I do. I know the truth about his violent past. Exposing his real identity and his family's crimes won't just help me graduate with a journalism degree, it will save my mother's life. When Isaac discovers I'm writing an article that will ruin his hockey dreams and destroy his family, he'll do anything to bury it.

Unleashing his deepest, darkest, most depraved desires on me. Twisted battles in the locker room, wickedness on the ice, cruelty to keep my mouth shut. The worst part I'm starting to fall for him, even as I fight back, and I'm not sure who will win our heartless game.

Meg (40:31)
I am often grateful for the fact that you don't show me on screen to yourself while you're reading.

That's all.

Nicole Stephens (40:46)
Okay.

Meg (40:47)
Anyway,

Nicole Stephens (40:48)
I I know what you do. I know what you do.

I can see it out of the corner of my eye.

Meg (40:56)
But the fact that

you ignore me impressive. Yep.

Thank you for joining us today for Romance on the Rocks. Please like, subscribe, follow, and if you are a hopelessly romantic, bookish buddy like us,

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