Ship Happens

Ahoy, romance readers! Arr-gust is officially underway and we're setting sail with two very different pirate romances.

Nicole reviews Poppy and the Pirate by Elizabeth Cole, a historical romance featuring a spirited wallflower, a charming sea captain who's more privateer than pirate, and a murder mystery set along the Cornish coast. Between smuggling rings, enemies-to-lovers tension and just the right amount of slow-burn spice, this swashbuckling adventure proved to be a delight.

Meanwhile, Meghan tackles Sea of Ruin by Pam Godwin, a dark pirate romance that sparked one of our most passionate discussions yet. We dive into difficult topics including consent, sexual violence and the difference between dark romance that thoughtfully explores trauma versus stories that appear to glorify abuse. If you're considering this book, you'll definitely want to hear Meghan's honest review first.

Of course, no pirate episode would be complete without pirate-inspired drinks! Nicole samples traditional grog for the very first time while Meghan invents her own Angry Ahoy -- a cocktail combining apple cider tea and Fireball that turned out far better than expected.

We also chat about Fabio's legendary pirate novels, the challenges of finding memorable book scents and the books we'll be reading next as Arr-gust continues.

Book & Beverage Pairings

📚 Nicole: Poppy and the Pirate by Elizabeth Cole
🍹 Beverage: Grog

📚 Meghan: Sea of Ruin by Pam Godwin
🍎 Beverage: Angry Ahoy

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Transcript

Nicole Stephens (00:00)
Hello,

I'm hello, I'm Nicole Danielle

Meg (00:03)
And I'm Meghan Leigh and this is Romance on the Rocks, where two bookish bitties imbibe and talk about the piratey romance novels that they have been reading for Arr-gust.

Nicole Stephens (00:18)
I'm so excited for this.

Meg (00:21)
I was excited.

I can't claim to be excited anymore.

Nicole Stephens (00:25)
no.

Meg (00:26)
Yeah. Guys, I'm so

sorry. This was a rough one for me.

Nicole Stephens (00:32)
Well, let's start

off with the most important part of the episode, the beverages.

Meg (00:37)
Absolutely.

I invented one. I I really racked my yeah, I racked my brain on this one. Unfortunately, according to the internet, there is no cocktail called the Angry Pirate. There's nothing called the Assaultive Pirate. There's nothing called hate you pirate. there's nothing called,

Nicole Stephens (01:00)
Worst pirate ever.

Meg (01:02)
garbage books are us.

There was nothing like that. So the closest I could get with the ingredients in my house, I found a cocktail that's called Angry Balls, that cocktail is basically just fireball put into an Angry Orchard Cider. I do not have Angry Orchard Cider at my house, but I don't need to make an Angry Balls. I want to make an Angry Ahoy.

So I went ahead and made some apple cider tea and chilled that and then added the fireball to that. And because my characters in the book are on one side a pirate and on the other side an English captain, I figured tea and then the angry. We're good here. So it's actually pretty good. I I

Nicole Stephens (01:48)
Hey.

Meg (01:48)
can say if you like cinnamon and cider, it's it's nice.

Nicole Stephens (01:53)
Okay. Well

Meg (01:54)
Better

than I can say for my book.

Nicole Stephens (01:59)
felt it was appropriate to go completely piratey, and have classic grog 'cause I've never drank

Meg (02:04)
Mm.

Nicole Stephens (02:05)
grog before. But you know, it's important to fight off scurvy at all times. So

Meg (02:11)
Love it.

Nicole Stephens (02:11)
So

give it a shake in my old mason jar.

Meg (02:16)
So what's all in grog?

Nicole Stephens (02:19)
So it is aged rum. I have some Bacardi Anejo and then it is water and lime juice and a little brown sugar. she smells potent. She smells like a pirate.

Meg (02:30)
Hmm, very nice.

Nicole Stephens (02:34)
Ooh! Okay. And then Meghan, I got this little mermaid mug with you in Door County, and I figured

Pirates would probably be drinking their grog in a mug and what better

Meg (02:47)
Absolutely.

Nicole Stephens (02:48)
than a little door county mermaid mug, so

Meg (02:51)
Very

nice.

Nicole Stephens (02:52)
There we go.

Meg (02:54)
Well cheers.

Nicole Stephens (02:57)
well that's special.

Meg (02:58)
Mm-hmm.

Well, I'll say apple

Nicole Stephens (03:02)
Mm-hmm.

Meg (03:02)
cider tea with the fireball over ice, it's really quite nice.

Nicole Stephens (03:08)
Okay. I can't say I'll be drinking grog ever again.

Meg (03:12)
First and last time for everything.

Nicole Stephens (03:14)
Yeah.

Well, I believe I'm up first.

I read Poppy and the Pirate by Elizabeth Cole.

Show notes

Okay. This was published in twenty twenty two. It is part of a series, but I'm pretty sure all the books are standalone books. I don't think you have to necessarily read them in order, 'cause I did not.

Meg (03:37)
Yeah.

Nicole Stephens (03:39)
it is in the subgenre of romance of the historical romance novel variation. Main characters are Poppy St. George, a young English woman who's quite the spitfire, but known as a wallflower.

'cause her and her friends are all considered wallflowers. Her stepfather is a textiles merchant, so while Poppy lives a comfortable lifestyle, she's not necessarily marriage material, and she failed to make a marriage match during her first season out in London society. Additionally, almost all of her childhood friends are happily married at this point, so it's just Poppy. Then we have Carlos de la Guerra a captain of a ship.

He deals in commerce and trade and is somewhat of a pirate in that he prefers to avoid some tariffs and taxes on goods he carries on his ships, but he's not a full blown pirate, as one might envision, because he is accepted in society and upper social circles and is considered a viable husband among society members. It's more like he's technically a pirate versus an actual pirate pirate.

Meg (04:47)
Mm, mm.

Nicole Stephens (04:49)
The plot line, Poppy and Carlos met during the London season about a year ago and they hit it off pretty well. Their respective besties ended up marrying, so that seems like it would lend itself towards a promising relationship for the two of them. But alas, Carlos was called back home to Santa Domingo, which we now know as the Dominican Republic, and ended up not coming back to Britain for a year. He never wrote to Poppy or

Or sent any word to her via his best friend, so all she can assume is he led her on and wasn't really interested in her. But she's still been secretly crushing on him anyway for the past year, even though she's pissed about what happened. Well, she's feeling lonely without her friends, and it's common to head to the countryside in the summer. So poppy goes to stay with one of her mom's friends out on the Cornish coast.

And of course, who happens to be there but Carlos? He's also staying there, but for entirely different reasons, he's trying to find out who murdered one of his best friends and why. Yeah,

Meg (05:51)
okay.

Nicole Stephens (05:52)
yeah. So sparks fly, of course, and the rest of the book involves a fun romp of enemies to lovers, as Poppy and Carlos try to solve the murder and uncover a whole mess of a smuggling ring, including an opium thing and

it was quite shocking. there were some nice little twists and turns and just enough spice later on in the story to please me. And that's all I can say about the book.

Meg (06:18)
All right.

Nicole Stephens (06:19)
the spice level is jalapeno. It is a slow burn for sure, but it was a pleasant little love story, and I think things happened in the order in which they needed to, and it felt historically accurate and realistic.

Things I loved, I appreciated Poppy's ability to upcycle a dress that kept getting trashed.

Meg (06:38)
Yeah.

Nicole Stephens (06:39)
I mean, she only had so many clothes that she brought with her, and her clothes kept getting all jacked up from running around the coast solving a murder mystery, but Poppy was creative and resourceful and making it look like she'd brought more than one dress with her by like having them dyed or putting ribbons and lace and accoutrements on them. And so

Thought that was pretty resourceful of her. And I typically don't like a slow burn or a mystery, as you know, but this was truly a fun romp. And as I said

Meg (07:07)
Wow.

Nicole Stephens (07:08)
before, I feel like things happened in the right timeline. So I feel like the sex hit at the right time, the romance hit at the right time, and the murder mystery was just enough, but not completely overpowering the book. It worked for me. Challenges. None. It was a sweet little romp.

Yeah.

Final thoughts if you like historical romances and authors like Lisa Kleypas and Julie Garwood, I think you'll enjoy Elizabeth Cole.

Meg (07:36)
two two things, three things. First of all, have we been pronouncing Lisa's last name incorrectly this whole time? Did we just Okay,

Nicole Stephens (07:44)
I think I pronounce everybody's names incorrectly all the time.

Meg (07:47)
because that is that's different than we've said it before, and I know that you have been learning so much more about all sorts of people and things that I'm like, I bet you we just found out we've been pronouncing that wrong the whole time. Okay. There's

Nicole Stephens (07:59)
Also, I'm having

trouble breathing, so maybe I just couldn't hit that S on the end of it.

Meg (08:04)
thing number two.

Nicole Stephens (08:06)
Mm-hmm.

Meg (08:07)
My main female character also had to upcycle in order to put together a dress. And she took the very expensive coat of one of her captors and just completely pulled the whole thing apart and used all the pieces to create like

Nicole Stephens (08:23)
Okay.

Meg (08:24)
a bodice for her dress. He was very displeased, but I think he would have appreciated that.

Nicole Stephens (08:29)
Yeah.

Meg (08:30)
and the

Third, I love the fact that you didn't have any challenges in your book.

Because mine was nothing but

challenges.

Nicole Stephens (08:38)
Well, let's hear

about yours, Meghan.

Meg (08:42)
Okay guys, buckle up. Nicole and I have said in previous episodes we're not really doing trigger warnings anymore. I had an exception a few episodes ago where I let you know that if you had issues with sexual assault that you might want to tune out. That's coming back today. So

Nicole Stephens (09:01)
Ooh, okay.

Meg (09:02)
yeah,

If that's a sensitive subject for you, I love you very much. Skip it. We we don't need to dwell on this one for you, and I will see you on the next episode. but yeah, just know that I care about you. So let's get into Sea of Ruin by Pam Godwin.

Nicole Stephens (09:21)
Which we really thought the cover was quite lovely.

Meg (09:24)
It is it's still beautiful. I still think

Nicole Stephens (09:26)
Yes.

Meg (09:27)
the cover is beautiful. This book was published in 2020 The premise is that we have Bennett Sharp. She is the daughter of a society woman and a pirate. She lives in Charleston, South Carolina in the very beginning. Her mother is trying to marry her off to a rich

socialite man in order to try and get some money, keep her part of the family afloat, 'cause her father's technically not in the picture, obviously, so there's not a lot of money.

Something happens that basically has the whole thing fall apart, and Bennett runs off to sea and becomes a pirate like her father before her. We follow Bennett into the future, and the trifecta love affair that's going on here. our two main male characters: we've got Priest Farrell and Lord Ashley Cutler. Priest Farrell is another pirate.

You find out fairly early in the book that Priest and Bennett are actually married. Nobody else really knows that. It's it's kind of on the down low. There's maybe two other people who know about this marriage. And then Lord Ashley Cutler is a pirate hunter who's coming after Bennett and trying to capture her and her ship.

That's kind of all you need to know about the premise in my opinion.

Nicole Stephens (10:50)
some questions about how she ended up being married to Bennett, but or no, Bennett ended up being married

Meg (10:54)
Well n yeah.

Nicole Stephens (10:56)
to the other pirate guy.

Meg (10:58)
I don't think it matters. Do you remember back during Lara by Bertrice Small when I said I did not care about Lara? I thought I was supposed to care about Lara. And that's also how I felt in that Barbara Cartland that I read, which was that character's name was Lorena.

Where again, I think I was supposed to care about Lorena. I didn't. That's how I feel about Bennett, if that makes any sense.

Nicole Stephens (11:28)
Okay.

Meg (11:29)
I don't care. She was written in such a way that it was it was too much not like other girls, perfectly beautiful, with what we used to think of as, you know, specific beauty, like

Every man wants her and she's just every person's dream and for some reason she's also the most powerful woman anybody's ever met. It it's just it's too much.

Nicole Stephens (11:52)
Yeah.

Meg (11:53)
Yeah. so you don't really find out a whole lot about Bennett and Priest's early relationship, except that like when they first met, they were just super attracted to each other because he was just super hot and she was super hot and then they just couldn't keep their hands off each other and just fucked all the time.

That's like that's like what you know, okay?

Nicole Stephens (12:13)
Okay, okay.

Such a sigh,

Meghan.

Meg (12:20)
I know. The important thing to understand here and know about this is Bennett has been running from Priest, her husband, for two years because he broke her heart. She found a letter in his pocket from another woman talking about the relationship that Priest and this other woman were having, the physical, romantic, how much they loved each other. So she found this letter and

She confronted him about it. He did not deny it. He he was like, I don't know what to say because I love you. I love her. He didn't say

Nicole Stephens (12:58)
okay.

Meg (12:59)
it really in so many words. It was it was kind of implied that he just looked ashamed and he was trying to say, love you. I promise I do.

But this other person is very important to me as well. So she could not handle that. And she just took off, right? And

Nicole Stephens (13:18)
Okay.

Meg (13:19)
he has been pursuing her ever since.

In the midst of all this, she now gets captured by Lord Ashley Cutler, who is the Englishman. I'm saying Englishman. He I think he might have been Welsh.

Let me just talk about the problematic shit in this book, okay?

There's so so so much. Yeah.

Nicole Stephens (13:35)
Where does one begin?

Meg (13:38)
Bennett is trying to explain to one of the men about when she lost her virginity. And she says I gave him my maidenhood. He was gentleman about it, waited until I was sixteen before he stripped me from stem to stern and made me bleed.

I was like, that's that's nice. I guess I know what I'm in for here. Some of the acts perpetrated by one of the MMCs against Bennett physical torture, such as stripping her naked, tying her up, and hanging her over the side of a ship for hours to make her more malleable.

Nicole Stephens (14:14)
like keel hauling her.

Meg (14:16)
Mm-hmm.

Physical violence spankings so hard that she needed wound care, not spankings

she had asked for. not a sexy type of thing.

I didn't register until his fist crashed into my jaw. Nothing made my blood sing like a man who wasn't afraid to fight a woman. Cool. Cool, cool, cool. Cool.

Nicole Stephens (14:39)
Yeah.

Meg (14:40)
He slammed his palm between my legs with an unholy force. Pain exploded, and I cried out soundlessly, gulping and flinching through stunned spasm. He hit me over and over, bending into each blow and targeting my clitoris. This was not a sexy spank. This was him punishing her for being mouthy, and they do not have a sexual relationship at this point. At all. He's just abusing her.

And then it basically says that the spanking turns him on. And it also alludes to the fact he would spank his crew like this as well for punishment. So like he's violently possibly spanking his crew members' crotches. I'm not real sure, but it did sound like that was possibly

Nicole Stephens (15:28)
I is this the

pirate or the lord?

Meg (15:31)
I'm not letting you know, that's why I just keep saying

one of the MMCs, which

Nicole Stephens (15:35)
Okay.

Meg (15:36)
is how I'm gonna refer to all of this from here on out. This MMC also, after having a confrontation with Bennett, and she tries to protest about something, grabs her jaw super tightly, gets real close to her face, and then says, Don't ever tell me no.

Cool. Again,

Nicole Stephens (15:58)
No

no means no, motherfucker. God Ugh

Meg (16:01)
But don't worry, Bennett's

impression of this was he didn't want to be so cruel. She could just like feel his emotions underneath that. Like he was just acting out 'cause like he he didn't want to be that way.

Nicole Stephens (16:14)
Yeah.

Meg (16:16)
Okay. Nicole.

Nicole Stephens (16:19)
Yes, ma'am.

Meg (16:20)
I would like some clarifications on what is considered rape.

Nicole Stephens (16:26)
fuck, okay.

Meg (16:31)
is physically assaulting and inserting something into a person's body without their consent, considered rape, if it is not a penis that is inserted.

Nicole Stephens (16:42)
see I have I have looked this up before and I think they call it something else like sexual assault with an object or something. I don't think it's actually technically rape. I mean I have thoughts and feelings about it, but I think technically criminally the legal terminology is sexual assault with an object.

Meg (17:04)
Cri criminally, if I used a different part of my body.

And not an object?

Nicole Stephens (17:13)
god.

Meg (17:15)
Let's just put that out there, okay? How about semi-consent? Like, she's totally into wanting to be with you, but at the last moment, instead of screwing her the way you know you thought you were going to, you decide to sodomize her. And she says no, no, and no, but you just keep going and tell her to take it.

I would believe that even though she was there willingly, that that still counts.

Nicole Stephens (17:48)
that's definitely rape. Yeah.

Meg (17:50)
Awesome.

Okay, well let's take those two definitions and move forward. Bennett has two instances of attempted rape. And she has three separate instances. I shouldn't say instances, three separate men who actually rape her in this book. One of the rapists basically kidnaps her and then assaults her multiple times over an extended period.

After she gets rescued, Bennett then tells one of the the MMCs to fuck every torment out of her mind and soul until he's all that's left. And I'm thinking if I just spent two and a half to three weeks being physically assaulted every day multiple times a day, my first thought wouldn't be, you know what I should do? Have somebody screw me, that'll make me feel better.

another one of these rapes is perpetuated by one of our MCs.

Nicole Stephens (18:53)
So much ick right now.

Meg (18:56)
Mm-hmm.

Nicole Stephens (18:58)
I'm so sorry you had to read that.

Meg (18:59)
Mm-hmm.

Mercy God

Nicole Stephens (19:03)
Ugh.

Meg (19:04)
He pushed past the ring of muscle, groaning low in his chest, fingers bruising vice on my hips. Let me in deeper. Be still while I use you.

Yeah. In order to stop one of these potential rapes in the future, one of the MMCs tries to convince the attacker that he doesn't have to rape Bennett, and instead, quote, You like a little fight in your women? Some fearful virginal resistance? You'll find that with any number of the daughters on the island. You don't have to rape this one. There's a whole bunch of other chicks you can rape on the island.

Go do that.

Then there were some same sex trists, and it was described that the sex was never planned and it wasn't the desired outcome. It was just the primal result of fight and anger. And quote, whenever I take him to the ground and bury myself in him, he fights it. Christ almighty, he loves to fight me.

I felt like reading this was like reading the Bertrice Small book or what was my other author?

Nicole Stephens (20:30)
fuck. Yes,

Meg (20:30)
Kathleen Woodiwiss

Nicole Stephens (20:31)
the Woodiwiss.

Meg (20:32)
This is a 2020 novel.

Written with

Modern

Sensibilities? That's not even the right word. But from the perspective of a person who never grew with the genre. You know what I mean? Like we talk about how like our modern authors seem to have grown up with these older, antiquated, terrible, gaslighting, violent sex ideas. And then they've

grown into if the sex is violent, we talk about consent, we talk about safe words, we we talk about the communication, or it's, healthy, just everyday relationship kind of stuff and people having flaws, this just felt like an old book but written today, if that makes any sense.

Nicole Stephens (21:20)
No, it does. And I'm gonna say I I read a lot of dark romance and pitch black romance. and I think some key differences are for example, Caged Bird, which I recently did the audiobook for. The girl is basically being held hostage by her her spouse. and he rapes her and stuff, but it's very clear that.

it's non-consensual and it's not okay and the guy's a bastard and we want him dead and he's a villain. Like that is clear. And I personally don't love rape being used as a trope. however I also understand sexual assault and SA happens and for a lot of people in the dark romance community they like the dark romance because to them it's a healing mechanism to see the villains get what's coming to them.

And see the FMC survive. And so I get that. I totally do. I think in this case, with your book, we're talking about something very different. We're not we're not talking about clearly this person is wrong and they get theirs and whatever. Al although that could be the case in the book. But I also feel like based on what you're sharing with me, it's glorifying what's happening.

Meg (22:41)
think obviously other people might come away from this book with a totally different perspective. we all interpret things differently. My interpretation

Nicole Stephens (22:47)
Right.

Meg (22:49)
of some of the actions happening in this book w was just it was completely unacceptable be because

It it felt like obviously the communication wasn't there. Like in

Nicole Stephens (23:00)
Right.

Meg (23:01)
in Bennett's head, if she's like, he's he's so sexy and I I love what he's doing, you didn't say that. You didn't tell him this is what you wanted.

Nicole Stephens (23:09)
Right,

right. Right. There's a difference. There's a difference,

yeah.

Meg (23:16)
Yeah,

so I I did not love that.

we'll just leave it at that. I would not recommend this book because it was 455 pages long. It took me so long to get through. I kept falling asleep.

Nicole Stephens (23:32)
I know, I kept checking

in on you and you're like, I'm still reading.

Meg (23:37)
I kept falling asleep because I was so angry that I would just

Nicole Stephens (23:40)
Yeah.

Meg (23:40)
close my eyes and need to breathe. And then the next thing I knew, I would be waking up and I'm like, I'm still not done with this book. The writing's not bad. It's not the writing. I just I was not happy with the story. I didn't love a lot of the premise. That is what I have to say about that. That being said.

I'm gonna totally mangle this last name and I apologize. Audrey Goldberg Ruoff

Nicole Stephens (24:11)
Okay.

Meg (24:11)
This book

is called Vengefully Matched and we were sent this book to the P.O. Box.

Nicole Stephens (24:17)
yeah, yeah, yeah.

Meg (24:19)
so I would like to first say thank you to Audrey for this because this has been my

Nicole Stephens (24:22)
Yes,

Meg (24:23)
palette cleanser. And yeah, I'm in the middle of this. I am currently on page 86, and I'm trying not to highlight it, but I don't know if you can see all my little dog ears. So I've got I've

Nicole Stephens (24:35)
Yes, I can

Meg (24:36)
got plenty of little dog ears in here for things that interested me or made me giggle. And so I would just like to say thank you to Audrey.

For having this sent to us. I'm enjoying

Nicole Stephens (24:47)
Yes.

Meg (24:48)
it. I'm enjoying this thoroughly and I appreciate having something fun and lighthearted. you know, one of these days I'll finally write a little blog post about all the fun, lighthearted things I've been reading, because I keep saying going to, and then I don't because I just get really into them and then forget. So anyway, thank you for this. Vengefully matched.

Nicole Stephens (25:11)
That's fun cover.

Meg (25:12)
Isn't that pretty? Yeah,

Nicole Stephens (25:12)
Yeah.

Meg (25:14)
this is an well, I don't know yet, because they're we haven't gotten together, but my assumption is this is enemies to lovers trope. So we're we're going

Nicole Stephens (25:22)
Ha ha

Meg (25:23)
with that. We've got Priscilla Hart and Agatha Vanderbilt Voisin it's a witchy world and they're both on kind of like a a common witchy council and there is a mystery happening and we don't know exactly what and there's already been a couple like explosions

Yeah, it's great.

Nicole Stephens (25:40)
I love it.

Meg (25:41)
So hey guys, read this. Read the read this instead.

Nicole Stephens (25:48)
Yeah.

Meg (25:50)
Anyway, so back to this. Yeah, I'm

Nicole Stephens (25:51)
What would you rate it on the spice scale? Yeah, Meghan.

Meg (25:55)
I'm giving it Carolina Reaper. Yeah.

Nicole Stephens (25:57)
Oh I

I'm not surprised.

Meg (26:01)
Yeah, I'm giving it Carolina Reaper because two characters, well, more than two, four characters at least end up dead, but two specifically end up dead related to possible sex acts they were attempting to make. So I'm gonna go with Carolina Reaper on that one because I usually reserve that for someone ending up dead.

Nicole's given me a look. Yeah. how about booby prize? Do you got one of those?

Nicole Stephens (26:32)
Indeed, Meghan. I have a feeling

Meg (26:34)
Do you?

Nicole Stephens (26:35)
you have probably won this episode, though.

Meg (26:38)
Well I have page three.

Nicole Stephens (26:42)
Car

Yeah.

Well, give me your page three quote, Meghan.

Meg (26:50)
The deep, square cut bosom accentuated my lack of breasts and bony shoulders. Page three.

Nicole Stephens (26:59)
Okay. Okay. I'm visualizing as I do.

Meg (27:04)
huh.

Nicole Stephens (27:05)
Page 182

Meg (27:09)
Yi.

Nicole Stephens (27:11)
Quote That was how she came undone that time, stretching her arms up as her back pressed against his chest, his right hand pleasuring her core, while his left hand teased her breast.

Meg (27:28)
Yep, I win that one, but you win for the best book of the episode.

Nicole Stephens (27:33)
Which isn't an award

we give, but sure.

Meg (27:37)
Again, I I don't wanna say that it was Pam Godwin's writing. I didn't mind the writing style at all. And a lot of times when I have a problem with a book, it's because I don't like the writing. So that was not my issue. It just was not the story for me. So

Nicole Stephens (27:50)
Well how about smells? Were there any smells and scents in your book?

Meg (27:54)
You know, when I was going through and looking at all my highlighting, none of these seemed to be smells. I'm sure there were. I was too angry to really clock that, so I got nothing for ya.

Nicole Stephens (28:07)
Was not angry. I I just poured through Poppy and the Pirate and did not pay attention to smells. Were there some? Probably.

Meg (28:16)
You and I were so much better with food, we just breeze past the smells, like we don't even register them.

Nicole Stephens (28:23)
Yeah, we're gonna have to figure out something new for 2027 So dear dear fans and listeners, please tell

Meg (28:30)
Yeah.

Nicole Stephens (28:30)
us what the theme should be for next year. You know, last year we covered romantic reminders. We kind of left that behind this year, unless we've felt something was, you know, hitting that in that regard. and then last year we did food, and then this year we're doing sense, and half the time Meghan and are like,

Was there a smell? Sure. Do we remember?

Meg (28:55)
Nah.

Nicole Stephens (28:56)
Or it's the same shit. It's like she smelled floral and feminine and he smelled like linen and soap and musk and blah blah blah. So

Meg (29:04)
Yeah. Yep.

Nicole Stephens (29:07)
I apologize to dearest Elizabeth Cole, the author of Poppy and the Pirate. I didn't notice any smells.

Meg (29:15)
I think the most unique scent that I've had this year was for my novel Highest Point, because they were mountain climbing and there was a lot of the

Nicole Stephens (29:23)
The Ben Gay.

Meg (29:24)
smell of bengay. Yeah, it was sweating bengay.

Nicole Stephens (29:28)
Huh.

yeah.

Meg (29:34)
got coming up next time around, girly?

Nicole Stephens (29:37)
Meghan.

Meg (29:38)
What do you got? What do you got?

Nicole Stephens (29:39)
I present to you The Pirate

Meg (29:41)
boy.

Nicole Stephens (29:42)
by Fabio. Now Meghan Meghan, you know I love an interior hidden extra cover or a second cover. Brace yourself for this, Bessie.

Meg (29:52)
Mm-hmm.

boy.

Nicole Stephens (29:57)
So when you first open the cover, there's a little note from Fabio for you alone, comma Fabio. And then when you open

Meg (30:02)
No.

Nicole Stephens (30:09)
it up

Meg (30:13)
Mm-hmm.

Nicole Stephens (30:17)
Meghan, do you wanna describe for our podcast listeners what we're seeing?

Meg (30:21)
Okay, first of all, I snorted and then threw my hand over my mouth and closed my eyes. Because I this is not not a thing Meghan enjoys looking at. This is what I can only presume is naked Fabio. I I don't think there's any shorts on that man. but he's like f stomach down in the sand and waves. Like

trying to maybe sexy creep towards you out of the ocean like he just came from the spray of his father's brain, like a like an old Greek god.

Nicole Stephens (30:53)
Meghan,

is is he in the the mane of spume?

Meg (30:57)
I think he is in the mane of spume. Yeah. Yeah, he ha he has sprang forth from the foam. It is very truly not at all what I like, so

Nicole Stephens (31:09)
Okay, I know Fabio had his heyday. Yeah.

Meg (31:10)
Woo Mm-hmm.

Nicole Stephens (31:13)
he's also got Viking, which I also have in my DBR pile. And I'm sure he wrote some other little romps or co-wrote them, whatever. but he was a cover model back in the day.

Meg (31:25)
Mm.

Nicole Stephens (31:26)
us Gen Xers and beyond can remember this. perhaps

Meg (31:29)
yeah.

Nicole Stephens (31:30)
some Zenials and Millennials can too. He never did it for me.

personally, but I know he had a loyal fan following because he appeared in such lovely commercials, such as I can't believe it's not butter. And as

Meg (31:48)
Mm.

Nicole Stephens (31:50)
I told you, Meghan, my husband has decided to play a little game called Sexing Up the Margarine where I will be sitting down

the breakfast table where I like to like view out into my jungle of a yard that is really needing to be weeded. But I like to type there, have the cat in front of me, and I like to hang out there and then Bob will come by and he'll like brush the hair back, playfully touch the neck, and then he'll whisper close, I can't believe it's not butter spray. And I fucking hate it.

And I wanna smack my own husband.

Meg (32:30)
Yeah, well if my book taught us anything, violence

violence is not the answer. So, you know.

Nicole Stephens (32:37)
I know, I know. And I'm I'm not condoning domestic violence at all. I'm just saying the man needs to fucking stop. Cause like I'm all here for the brush behind the the hair and the neck and 'cause that's super sexy and hot. the feathery touch, you know, I don't like that, so I'm like already like when he does it. And then the whisper by my ear about the margarine, I'm like, just fucking stop, dude.

Meg (33:04)
Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole Stephens (33:05)
Bob,

I would expect nothing fucking less. Anyway, back to this shit. Let me read you the back.

Meg (33:09)
Yep, yep,

yep, bring it.

Nicole Stephens (33:12)
My Lerv no I'm kidding.

Meg (33:14)
What?

Nicole Stephens (33:15)
My love, they call me privateer, cold, ruthless, brazen, and bold. Yet from the first moment I saw you I was overcome. You were but a helpless child. I Okay Stop

Meg (33:33)
I'm sorry. It

was involuntary. I wrinkled my nose and I couldn't put it back down. Hmm.

Nicole Stephens (33:39)
You were but

a helpless child, orphaned and innocent, when I rescued you from almost certain defilement and death, and whisked you off to my Caribbean island hideaway to be shockingly pampered by my loyal crew. And now you are a woman, as beautiful as the dawn, and as wildly unpredictable as the winds and the sea. You are in my blood, Cara mia Your breathtaking loveliness haunts my dreams, but to have you

First, I must tame you to awaken you to the dangerous ecstasy of a pirate's passion and a lover's touch.

Meg (34:20)
yuck.

Nicole Stephens (34:22)
Okay,

Meg (34:23)
Have fun.

Nicole Stephens (34:24)
Yeah, okay,

so I'm gonna tell you, not to spoil for the next episode. Here's the thing, I'm only this far in the book, but Meghan already, I can't believe I'm saying this, it's not as bad as I thought it was gonna be based on the back cover.

Meg (34:42)
I'll take that as a win already.

Nicole Stephens (34:45)
I'm just saying, I never thought I was gonna say this, but so far, and again I'm only mildly into this book, so far I am not ragey. That's saying something.

Meg (34:55)
that is saying something.

Nicole Stephens (34:57)
What have you got for next episode, Meghan? Please tell me it's better than what you had this episode.

Meg (35:02)
Well, I hope so,

but I didn't even start it yet. Cause instead I decided to read Vengefully Unmatched. So I

Nicole Stephens (35:09)
Sure. I think you needed that palate cleanser, so that's fair.

Meg (35:12)
absolutely needed that. I have me a Katee Robert. So

Nicole Stephens (35:17)
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Meg (35:19)
at least I know the writing's gonna be good. So I have

Nicole Stephens (35:21)
Yeah.

Meg (35:22)
Katie Robert. I've got Hunt on Dark Water. Is it Water or Waters? I've got a sticker over the front. Waters. Hunt on Dark Waters.

By Katie Robert. A stern captain meets his witchy match in this captivating first fantasy romance novel in the Crimson Sails series. Evelyn is a witch with a perfect storm of impulses, terrible taste in bed partners, sticky fingers, and a lust for danger. After she steals from her vampire ex and falls through a portal to another realm.

She's fished out of the water by a band of seafarers and their telekinetic captain. She's immediately given a choice. Join their ship's crew or die. Bowen has no memory of his life before he became one of the Kunanoon. He and his band of pirates are bound by a vow

to patrol through Threshold, the magical sea between realms, keeping the portals to the other worlds safe. When he rescues Evelyn, he doesn't expect to be attracted to the unflappably brassy pickpocket. The longer he spends in her presence, the more he begins to question if his heart is the next thing she'll steal. But as tension heats up between Bowen and Evelyn, the danger at sea escalates as well.

Because Evelyn has no intention of keeping her vows to the Kunano, and if she betrays the crew, both she and Bowen will pay the ultimate price.

Nicole Stephens (36:54)
Lot of paranormal vibes up in there.

Meg (36:57)
Yeah, a lot of stuff going on here. So let's give it a go.

Alright, one last sip and then let's get ourselves out of here.

Thank you for joining us today for Romance on the Rocks. Please like, subscribe, and follow. And if you are a hopelessly romantic bookish biddy like us, think about giving us a review on iTunes, Spotify, YouTube, wherever you are catching your podcasts. until next time, just know that your support really means the world to us. Stay safe, and know that you are loved.